As a psychic, I am encountering more and more victims of narcissistic relationships seeking guidance and insight. There seems to be a growing trend in these types of relationships and being a victim of narcissistic abuse myself, I feel compelled to share this with you.
My feeling is that if you have any kind of vulnerability, a narcissist will be able to pick up on this instantly and then engage in "the game". It is also my feeling that victims of this kind of abuse, often empaths who are deeply sensitive, are not weak, but actually quite strong, which gives the narcissist a sense of a challenge, the strength is appealing to them.
What initially they say they love about you, will be the very things that they set about to destroy.
It first starts off with sweeping you off your feet, making you think that you have found your "soul mate" and you couldn't possibly ever find anyone else that would match up to them. This is the first and most important "hook" that will keep you stuck in this nightmare. It is classically known as "love bombing", or "idealisation", putting you on a pedestal. A sense of excitement is built, on a level you have never experienced before.
Within a short period of time, you will find that this wonderful connection starts to fade and you start to fall prey to subtle manipulation with many attempts to get back to what you thought you had (the first hook). This is known as the devaluation phase, where the openness and trust they have instilled in you is begun to be removed, leaving you constantly feeling unsure of yourself, and not knowing where you stand in the relationship.
As time goes by, the narcissist will engage in reeling you in and then dropping you from a great height. They will use "gas lighting" and put your mind into absolute turmoil in every way that they can. This includes the classic tools of projection ( "No I am not cheating, it's you who is". Or, "No I am not the liar, you are, you twist everything".), projecting their own personal qualities and actions they are hiding onto you. The other classic tool is deflection ( "Never mind how I looked at him / her, I know you are cheating on me).. Or, "You say I am selfish, but everything you do is for yourself".)
The biggest lie, that you will find yourself falling for is that you will never be able to find anyone else that you love, or who will love you, to this degree. This is one of the reasons as to why people stay in these relationships or keep going back.
Narcissists encourage you to open up deeply, and once they do will tailor their personality to fit you, and may even have "profiled" you on social media before ever having met you
Additionally, Once trauma has been induced by gaslighting, projection and deflection, they give you a taste of the hook, what you once had, to reel you back in. This is known as trauma bonding, and is one of the main reasons that victims go on to develop PTSD issues. There is an inner confusion created when a destructive person who has destroyed your sense of self worth and self identity is then also nice to you, apparently offering love after the abuse.
The emotional manipulation within these types of relationships is extreme and is drip fed over months and years. So understandably, it is going is going to take time to undo all of the damage to your self esteem and recreate a stronger more holistic version of yourself.
With this in mind, please be patient with yourself. The answer is not to rush into another relationship, but to heal and instill more positive thoughts about yourself and your future.
Being with a narcissist is not the end of the world, even though it may feel like that at the time, but an opportunity to heal and move on to a happy and fulfilling relationship in the future, with a wiser heart and eyes wide open.
If you know someone who is in a narcissistic relationship, be patient with them and understand that leaving that relationship is hard for them, and that this is something that they need to do in their time. If they end up going back, understand that this is something that they need to do and they will eventually walk away when the time is right for them. When they eventually decide to walk away, they will need your support as they start to put their lives back together again and rebuild their self esteem.
For me, it took years, not months.
Have you been in a narcissistic relationship? What advice would you give to someone? Do you know someone who is in a narcissistic relationship? Are you in one now, and wish to leave, but don't know how?